Fairy Doors Cited for ADA Non-Compliance

Downtown Ann Arbor’s iconic fairy doors are visited by thousands of children every year, all of them hoping to catch a glimpse of the magical beings who use these tiny portals. Now, recent actions by Federal and State accessibility regulators have put the doors into questionable legal status,  and they may be closed or require expensive work to remain open.

“The proliferation of Fairy Doors definitely raises accessibility issues that clearly violate State and Federal building codes.” Says Warren Pesstolsty, a mid-ranking Federal official instrumental in the investigation and complaint. “If they were human sized entrances, they would never get approval from any agency, let alone pass inspection.”

It seems that the main reason this inequity escaped regulatory notice for so long is because the doors are built for creatures generally invisible to adults. As is the story in so many cases, it is the voices of the truly marginalized unseen, creatures of folklore living with disabilities, that are now being heard for the first time.

“It’s like we were standing in the weeds, unable to fly, and shouting for help for centuries.” said Vernal Buttercup, a member of Fairies Living In The Shadows (FLITS), an advocacy group and party to the complaint (Their name has been changed to protect them from potential repercussions).

The government action is causing tremors throughout the dominant Fairy culture and professional community, including the Washington DC based Business Advocates for Diminutive Doors (BADD). At this point, the aftershocks promise to continue for years, for FLITS literature points directly to broader diversity and intersectional issues, such as access for giants, yeti, and other shadowy figures who, literally, can’t fit through the doors others have constructed.

After Successful Deer Cull, City Council Sets Sights on Herds of Locavores

With the recent deer cull pronounced safe, efficient, and cost-effective for taxpayers, March’s first City Council meeting included a preliminary discussion of what they termed the “Summer Cull.”  Deliberations quickly focused on the increasing herds of locavores in the downtown restaurant ecosystem. 

There was broad agreement with the goal of the cull, summed up by the comments of UM activist Wendy P. Fredericks, “Restaurants for regular dining tastes are just being crowded out.”

Several council members cited studies indicating that locavore levels were already critical and at the point of inhibiting the options of diners with other tastes. Others agreed, adding that since local food production hits its peak in summer, the timing was optimal. Council members representing the north side of the city expressed concern about options for the cull, with the location of blinds an especially nettlesome issue.

Several protesters interrupted the proceedings and were escorted from the building. Martin Z. Peterson, dressed as a spring garlic, silently held vigil at the end of the meeting, holding a sign in black marker that simply said: You Will Not E-Scape Our Vote in November.